A Burnt toast cure

A Burnt toast cure
So Work... A topic I think most people in this day and age like to complain about.  I would definitely fall under this category.  I am BURNT out, burnt out like that black crumbly piece of toast jammed at the bottom of the toaster.  I don't like much sitting at the bottom of this toaster.  The "Toaster" I work for is a not so great place to work these days.  It's full of nepotism, and ignorance.  I don't know how some of these managers became managers.  Maybe they are sleeping with someone's toaster?  I don't know.

Now some of you may wonder how I wound up crusty and trapped at the bottom of this toaster, It all started by working too much too young.  I entered the workforce at the age of 14. STUPIDEST IDEA EVER!  I was working 40 hours a week from that age on, and now I am 19 and can't handle working at all really.  I am done.  I am depressed, all I want to do is die.  Not like slit my wrists die, like not go to work die.  I can't handle it.  I wish I could just go to RC willey and replace this job like I can a toaster.  Apparently I can be trapped in it like a toaster, but can't replace it like a toaster.  This is why analogies are better than life.  If life and analogies were the same, we would be a much happier human race.

So, The cure to this "burnt toast" effect?  Call in every day for a week even though you already can't miss more work?  I just tried that, didn't help much.  I came to work today with even less will power to work.  The attempt at taking some time off was like jabbing a fork in a toaster while still plugged in, at first it seemed like it would help me get out, but in the end I got zapped and am now on the floor convulsing because I am forced to work for 9 hours.  (4.5 hours completed, I am ALMOST done-ish WooT)  So then, what is the cure?  I wish I could tell you, I can't.  If I knew what the cure was, I probably wouldn't have to write about one in an online blog now would I?

For now I will have to just suffer and take extra long breaks, and fantasize via analogies in a very brycissistic manner, and hopefully this reflection will help prevent the spread of burnt toast to the rest of America.  If I can accomplish that, I will have accomplished more than Obama...which I guess doesn't say much does it?

But I am going to log off now before I start a political debate, they usually don't end well.

- Crumbly burnt toast at the bottom of YOUR toaster

A review on Bottles.

I have quite a few strong opinions on bottle making companies.  I mean really?  Who designed some of these bottles, It's revolting.  meanwhile I just want to hug, kiss, marry, and impregnate some of the other bottle makers for doing such a great job!  *high fives*


First off.


Salad dressing bottles that don't have a "sploosher" as brandyne and I refer to it.  I think the correct title is an "EZ Squeeze bottle".  The point.  If you have a bottle opening that looks like it's trying to give birth to a 12 pound baby, it's PROBABLY not the best for dispensing even amounts of salad dressing on to salad.  Just saying.  I *try* so hard to use these unconventional bottles to make salad, and I do great and then KABOOM a giant Noah worthy flood occurs thus destroying the Heavenly balanced ratio of dressing-salad-croutons-cheese which makes me want to just throw it all away and start over.  Sometimes I find myself doing this process so many times I run out of salad.  UGH!  So hats off to the genius who thought that we wanted salad dressing soup with floating chunks of lettuce in it!  Your a great man!


Second:


Shampoo/Conditioner/Axe Body soap/etc containers


We all know that these bottles are designed well, at first.  The problem I ran into recently is when you get to the bottom 1/6 of the container.  It's all at the bottom.  So you sit, or rather stand there in the shower shaking the bottle like an angry mom does her baby (wow I like baby references today) trying to get it to get to the proper side.  Now I KNOW what you are thinking, why not just store them sitting upside down so it's ready for you?  Well I would.  Except, that my Axe Fever Brazilian Hot Mud Shower gel will NOT stand that way.  This would be the problem I am concerned about.  WHO CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA?  So back to my story Here I am shaking it harder then I shook anything in my life when I slip on the wet tub and fall down laughing, and still with no luck.  No Brazilian hot mud shower gel for me. I had to use the dark temptation kind instead.  This was very upsetting.  I am sick of companies making things for the aesthetic appearance that look "sexy" but in the end make you fall naked out of the shower on to the ground, not thoroughly cleaned.  It's a problem.


The moral of the story:  Bottles should "SPLOOSH" If it doesn't sploosh, you could wind up naked on the floor unsatisfied with the results.


The.End.


-*insert Clever variation to my name*

Complications of a stressful life

So basically.  To start off, A life update.  4 Tickets, Going to court for 5 hours on my birthday.  Sounds fun right?  Luckily we will be having a GREAT party that night (assuming i don't get put in jail of course).

So yes it's my BIRTHDAY!!  Except that didn't really deserve those caps, WooT?  I am 19?  I can buy cigerettes?  Too bad i don't smoke.  But whatever.

Also, School starts next week!  That should be interesting right?  Except the whole punching a baby thing.  That doesn't sound great. 

And above all...BRYCE IS STILL SICK.  Yes did you hear that.  Still!!  I am seing an ENT Specialist to xray my head and see wtf is going on in my sinus/throat/nose, etc.  My theory is that i'm dying, which makes the doctors laugh, but i am serious.  So if i turn up dead in the next few days, don't be shocked :D

-Bryce

(stay tuned a new update coming in 5 min, this one being my normal writing style)

A reflection on life (explanation of absence)

So haven't posted in a whole month... BUT i have good reason.  My life has exploded.  literally.

So living in a new place in west valley, still may or may not be dating people, found out i owe the IRS lots of money, got a second job, and have been sick now for literally an entire month!  FREAKIN SINUS INFECTION!

anway, more posts to follow once i figure out how to pay the irs...lol...

-Bryce Hickman (i figured since the government is angry i should not expose my "stage name" in case i need to use it as an alias when i run away as a fugitive)

I believe in god (but i don't believe in shoes)

So lately, I have been asked what my religion is... At first I had to ponder it and say "Good question?". My new response, "yes, I believe in god!" quickly followed by "but I don't believe in shoes." Now at first this confuses the majority of the public who question my religion in the first place...but isn't that where all the fun is?


So why believe in god but not shoes?

1) God helps us every day...what do shoes do?
2) Wearing warm comfy practical shoes during the winter, and not flip-flops, is bowing down to mother nature....why in heavens name would I bow down? I wear flip-flops year round. (let's stick it to the man)
3) If I don't believe in god, I could be smited!...what happens if I don't believe in shoes?
4) to quote my dear friend Dane cook; "FUCK SHOES"
5) What article of clothing kills the mood the most to take off when you have sex? SHOES
6) God can stop world hunger...can shoes?
7) Jesus didn't wear shoes...so why should I?
8) Jesus walked across water without shoes, had he worn shoes he would have sank.
9) If god had intended us to entirely cover our feet, we would not have been born shoeless.
10) Feet wouldn't stink if we didn't wear shoes, doesn't our body react negatively when we do things we shouldn’t? obviously we shouldn't wear shoes. Obviously, right?
11) 76.777% of all women would have more money if shoes didn't exist. (taken from a study in BRyce KAM llc labs)
12) If we wear shoes too much we will forget to clip our toenails, thus eventually making us get hang-nails.

And on top of all of those completely well thought out and logical reasons on why Shoes are satanic, I also have a theory that if you wear flip-flops and/or shorts, etc during the winter you will somehow trick mother nature into believing it's time for warm weather. the.end.
over all,  STOP WEARING SHOES OR YOU WILL GO TO HELL!!!


-Teachings of the almighty BRyce Kam.


I would like to dedicate this post to my friend Jonathon Swift ;)

SHOUTOUT TO "complicated" Relationships...and other life-like updates. (yay for not spiteful posts)

OH WOW!  IS it really?  NO really, it's FEBRUARY!! Who knew?  definitely not BRyce!


Anyway.  The last 3ish weeks reader's digest version, READY SET GO!!


New hair!  I am no longer a dirty blonde.  Yes I was pretty attractive with it, yes I miss, and overall yes it was time!  My hair is now short, and black.  No not my natural black, but darker.  Black-black.  Black like the inside of someone’s rotten soul black.  It's pretty "Hawt" as the annoying females in this world would so eloquently put it.


More holes in my body!  That's pretty cool!  Guess how many holes in my body do I have that I wasn't born with???  Say hello to Mr. Number ELEVEN!  the newest whole to our family of pincushions.  I got a ring around the upper cartilage on my right ear.  It needed to happen, I had to balance the industrial piercing on my left ear!  The. End.  I LOVE BODY PIERCINGS!  (it's a problem)


Boyfriend?  I might have a boyfriend?  it's complicated.  first off I want to give a SHOUT OUT to all YOU guys out there in a "complicated relationship".  First off they suck...except they don't.  They are special.  Every time these happen I usually care more about the person than those regular relationships out there, we all do, otherwise we wouldn't let them put us through the nine circles of hell we are forced to travel in the complications of our relationship...AM I RIGHT?  :)  Of course, I’m BRyce right?  (get it brycissistic? lol, i'm clever!)


Looking for new housing...my current housing arrangements are, how shall we put it, less than awesome? at best?  So look forward to updates as for my residence.


New car!  yes it's true, My beloved Wesley is dead.  Not just dead, but dead-dead.  Never to be driven by me again.  RIP my sweet Wesley.  On a happy note!  SAY HELLO TO MY NEW CAR MARK ANTHONY!  Tony for short when he is being a nice car!  He is sexy green, drives like sex on the freeway, and has a stereo system that makes me want to clubbing.  Its pretty much awesome!!!


I think that covers it pretty well?  Of course you can fill in the blanks with lots of drama, adventure, spending more money than possible, working on song writing, and cleaning up other people's messes as you feel needed.


-Bryce kamryn...the coolest kid eveh (more of that "eloquent" language of the younger generations I mentioned before)



LIFE IS PRETTY GREAT!!

Two wrongs make a right? WTF?

So, wow...it turns out a large majority of my blog entries are focused on a center-point theme: "The Idiocy of my roommates".


Basically, When did Making a mistake become a good excuse to make another?  "Two wrongs don't make a right comes to mind"  A simple, yet annoying statement our mothers used to quote us, in an attempt to teach us how to function in life with out coming across as a total jack-ass.  Apparently either that attempt failed or simply the child refused to accept reality...either way. WTF?


let's do a case study as if we were in a law class:


"You can't drive her car you don't have a license?"

"I do too have a license!"

"it got suspended?"

"Well yeah, but that doesn't matter"

"it's against the law you dumb ass!"

"Well I drove for 3 months with a warrant out for my arrest"

"IT'S STILL ILLEGAL!!!.  If you get pulled over you go to jail"



the conversation continued in this same manner...


Explain to me the relevance of a past mistake towards it being okay to make another mistake?  In fact, isn't the PURPOSE of mistakes to learn from them.  IF you already made a mistake that makes it double worse if you make it again.  So not only is it irrelevant to the point, it's also proving my point not yours?


I just don't get it.  But then again in this specific case I am dealing with a child. A child who has been given way to much her entire life.  From her parents, teachers, Even me.  From everyone.   No body forces her to be responsible... There is 0 responsibility.  Moral of the story...When your roommate tells you to kick her out...kick her out.


Thanks for reading my rant on "mistakes"


Just frustrated with the lack of logic used in my presence.... I know I’m obsessed....but really?

 -El BRycer(o?)

It would end in an "o" if it was spanish right?