A reflection on Friends...Rather "best" friends who obviously don't understand me...or life for that matter.
For those who know me well know that I’m a very logical person. Too logical most of the time really... Well I thought that would be enough to make sense why over analyze everything. Obviously not. I have an obsession with the book "the color code" by dr. Hartman. For those who have no idea who I am, I’m a red-blue combo (aka a not healthy balance). So my personality is complex and makes than little sense, at best.
This is more of a rant than anything. So for now my logical red side will go into submission while I finally go into catharsis-mode, and hopefully purge some of these apparently "required" emotions.
First off. Why must we stick these labels on people? I get it. I was a jack-ass in high school. I was a freak who judged people, thought I was always right, and would never shut-up! Honestly I really do get it. Since when is that who I really am? Or rather who says that's who I still am? It's not. Too bad people can't look up from their collection of ignorant labels to see people for who they truly are. The sad part is when the people you thought were close, who honestly understood the complex comradery of emotions contained in my soul and personality, still are caught in this wicked web of stigmas and assumptions. not to be that annoying guy who uses those cliché over used terms but...You know what assuming does right? ha-ha... No, but really!
I’m so frustrated right now at the fact that people assume that just because I don't agree with you means that I don't understand you opinion, or that I accept it. Is it so wrong that even if I DO get what you mean, that I still want to express my opinion to you? I know that you are my best friend, but really? Does that mean that I still can't express my opinion, even if I’m wrong? Oddly enough I know that I’m wrong, I expressed that what I did was "bitchy" from the beginning. I accept that I’m a bitch from time to time. I have to be. If I’m not a bitch I will neglect myself and continues Ely slide down a slope of continuously putting myself last. The difference is that I’m only a bitch from time to time. Meanwhile here you are being a consistent bitch all the time...the difference is that since you generally are a bitch, people have grown to expect that type of behavior from you. Yet, when do something out of line or bitchy, since generally I’m a pretty even-headed person, the world comes crumbling down like I crossed some sort of line. And trust me I know if you are reading this you might think "yeah right" since when is Bryce even-headed...We are back again to I AM NOT WHO I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. In fact I am so desperate to leave my past self in the PAST where he belongs that I have changed my name to Bryce Kamryn...Pretty good sign that change has occurred eh?
But then again I am pretty sure that this will be taken as a "bash letter" to you. But should I be surprised? No...I hope you don't take it that way, but I’m more than aware of your existence to know that you will read this and think that I’m just yet again trying to "always be right" as you so "eloquently" put it every time we get in a fight. Isn't it funny how YOU have to be right by saying I have to be right? But whatever (yeah I just used the forbidden word). Wow I like ""'s today. They are rather useful to put sarcasm in desired locations.
anyway, that's my feelings at the moment. Hopefully more of my entries won't be so "dramatic" and hateful...but I just wanted to jump out the window and run away, so I figured better just push the feelings out and try to be sane, for once.
-BRyce Kamryn.
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