So lately, I have been asked what my religion is... At first I had to ponder it and say "Good question?". My new response, "yes, I believe in god!" quickly followed by "but I don't believe in shoes." Now at first this confuses the majority of the public who question my religion in the first place...but isn't that where all the fun is?
So why believe in god but not shoes?
1) God helps us every day...what do shoes do?
2) Wearing warm comfy practical shoes during the winter, and not flip-flops, is bowing down to mother nature....why in heavens name would I bow down? I wear flip-flops year round. (let's stick it to the man)
3) If I don't believe in god, I could be smited!...what happens if I don't believe in shoes?
4) to quote my dear friend Dane cook; "FUCK SHOES"
5) What article of clothing kills the mood the most to take off when you have sex? SHOES
6) God can stop world hunger...can shoes?
7) Jesus didn't wear shoes...so why should I?
8) Jesus walked across water without shoes, had he worn shoes he would have sank.
9) If god had intended us to entirely cover our feet, we would not have been born shoeless.
10) Feet wouldn't stink if we didn't wear shoes, doesn't our body react negatively when we do things we shouldn’t? obviously we shouldn't wear shoes. Obviously, right?
11) 76.777% of all women would have more money if shoes didn't exist. (taken from a study in BRyce KAM llc labs)
12) If we wear shoes too much we will forget to clip our toenails, thus eventually making us get hang-nails.
And on top of all of those completely well thought out and logical reasons on why Shoes are satanic, I also have a theory that if you wear flip-flops and/or shorts, etc during the winter you will somehow trick mother nature into believing it's time for warm weather. the.end.
over all, STOP WEARING SHOES OR YOU WILL GO TO HELL!!!
-Teachings of the almighty BRyce Kam.
I would like to dedicate this post to my friend Jonathon Swift ;)
